Karyss-Renee

My second daughter's name and this morning have something in common. They are both a rebirth of grace. I love the early morning hours, and--while conceding that there is merit in down comforters and soft pillows--often wish more people knew about them. Of course, I then--like the big brother who wanted more apple pie for myself--cover my mouth and wish I hadn't said how good they were. Grace reborn. A morning. A little innocent girl. If I think of my day like a child entrusted to me to shape, to mold for His glory--what a humbling and stretching thought! Every moment becomes evaluable and valuable! What is the best i can do in this moment to make this little girl/little day glorify the Maker?

I was listening to a christian radio station on my way in this morning (1/2 hour--applause!) and the music ran the gamut of praise (Indescribable...You are amazing God!) to warning (It's a slow fade... nobody crumbles in a day...be careful little eyes what you see) and was struck by the contrast. One side of the continuum is God in His glory and how utterly blown away we are by his holiness and righteousness as we gaze upon His beauty. On the other end we see Christians lead astray and totally destroyed by what they allow their little eyes/ears/hands to see/hear/do.

And then I was struck that the radio station had finally gotten it: although we are Christians and we do walk in the glorious light of salvation, grace, redemption etc., etc., we struggle with real issues and our lives do crumble in this world. It doesn't always look like we're growing from "strength to strength". In my own life I often feel like I go from strength to stank. Whether it is pride, selfishness, lust or disobedience--how often do I stink up the work God is doing in my life as I indulge the flesh/old man/new euphemism for pre-Christ me?

I want to treat this day like a child, Lord. Every fleshly influence I would fight to keep away from my children, let me war on behalf of this day in the same manner. And I pray that you would keep temptation far from us today. I ask that You would provide bread for this day--the nourishment to function in such a way as to bring You glory. I pray for grace and forgiveness to shower down on this day and every interaction, inadvertent wounding, old scars. Help me forgive. I beg that You would deliver us from evil so that my striving wouldn't get in the way of Your strength. Amen

On the docket:

• budget on Professor's desk
• new students in department and certificate programs on Professor's desk
• prepare for new student orientation
• bags
• cups
• folders
• media
• worship
• prepare for missions conference
• send Facebook update
• connect with professor regarding gospel choir
• practice for symphony
• teach five lessons
• print 10 dissertations/articles for research project
• procure piano stand for seminary student

We'll see how the day pans out and check back in a little later...

Introit

And so we begin...

Ever notice how easy it is to talk about something, or even actually start it--yet never finish? Will the real procrastinator please stand up? please stand up? (Yes, I just said that...) I was given a journaling assignment for a seminary class and decided to start and maintain a blog in lieu of handwritten journaling--which I love--but my hands cannot quite keep up with the requisite hours of writing. The physical act of writing however, adds to the experience of journaling and I am convinced that manuscripts, books, journals--all written media has a different feel based on hand written or typed/word processed. Even typewriters are different than computers. The finality of the ink, the breathless waiting for the hand to catch up with the head--I delight in these things and only with resignation and a promise of calligraphic self-indulgence at a later date do I give them up in favor of the connect-to-the-world-in-an-instant-blog/journal-o-matic!

On to the main event: For our journal we are to 1.) give the date (see blog date), then 2.) share the main theme, idea, scripture, meditation, etc. from our devotional time. 3. )A proposed schedule/to-do list is then scripted and one heads off into one's day. Later (i.e. 9:46PM) we 4.) recount our actual day (why does this feel like a departmental budget analysis?), followed by 5.) a "HEAD" evaluation--thinking through and analytically reviewing what happened in day/relationships/spiritual journey; 6.)a "HEART" evaluation--how did we feel about the day or events of the day with a final 7.) theological reflection. Now that I have done the classic teacher routine of telling you what I'm going to teach you...

I thought today would begin earlier, but sleep does have benefits. I wonder what time I have gotten up each January 27th of my life. I think the average must be close to 6:00AM. I remember as a child I would wake up with the roosters and draw, shivering--my room was the furthest from the furnace--until 7:30, at which time we were allowed to come down for breakfast. My father always prayed in the living room and was not to be disturbed until that time. Some of my favorite memories as a small boy include the times I would come down and, pajama clad, worm my way under his chest as he knelt at the couch. The smells of his leather Bible, open before me, and Listermint mouthwash from his closing prayers, along with the tickle of whiskers from his yet-to-be-shaven face are just a vivid now as they were then.

Today, however--after just getting the Crest and shampoo routine over and done with (I'm not a Listermint man myself...) it was well later than my normal departure time. And that can mean only one thing: TRAFFIC. I logged an hour and a half on the highways and byways of Marin and Sonoma--arriving at the seminary well into the morning. I had hopes of practicing one or two hours, several hours of work on a professors research project, some paperwork and balancing my department budget--along with quality time spent preparing for some of my private music students. I did get some work done on the budget, the research project, and the music preparation. But the rest did not get done.

As I look back and analyze this--my day needed to begin earlier, and I should have outlined my time better.
The time spent with students was rewarding and they are making good progress, but more time needs to be invested in my preparation for their lessons. Dinner was a crazy task, as my wife was off to lead a ladies Bible study and I had the children--but the rest of the evening was rewarding--bottle and cuddling for the baby, pajamas and potty, followed by stories and prayers for the older girls. Then on to nailing down some business loose ends and now this.

Emotionally, I am overwhelmed. Between my private music students, my commitments and prayer burden as assistant pastor, my positions as chapel coordinator and administrative assistant to a department of a seminary, concertmaster to the philharmonic, the upcoming mission's conference, new student orientation, HUSBAND, FATHER, and supposedly--CHRISTIAN--I am beat. I need a really good game plan and a clone or two.

As I look at this theologically I see the impact that too much everything has on a spiritual leader: I am doing what I can to make it through to the next appointment--and I need to mention that I am running on fumes--but it's almost like I can't even open my Bible--although I want to and I know it's needed. The baby is crying and I must go, but hopefully tomorrow will show growth! Thanks be to God for another day!

Epiphany Resolutions...

Those rare moments when the wind blows through our hair and we breath deeply and the sun and the rich green of the springtime hills all roll together--that is a taste of epiphany. We see--if even for a moment--something more than the sum of what we are looking at--we see what we were looking for. I had one of these moments today as I was walking back over the top of a hill towards my car. I saw what I was looking for--U2 song be damned--but I did. I have been striving to juggle too many jobs with too many commitments for too long so that I could have a better life. But I realized today I have a great life--one of the best lives in the world--and the only person that wasn't seeing it was me. I had listened to the Whispering Fear too long and had started to believe him. And I couldn't even see it. It took a moment of Holy Epiphany--that which was hidden, now revealed--to break me out of the cycle. But Epiphany or not--action is required on my part. Just like the Wise Men, who the liturgical church calender celebrates at Epiphany--much was required before their hopes and dreams were realized. Although their gifts show understanding and wisdom of just who this Little One would be--it wasn't until they reached the end of their great journey that we credit them with seeing that which was hidden. And so, although God is the one doing the disclosing--it must always be me doing the seeking. Seeking with open eyes and heart (and schedule) so that when the moment comes--my own seeking blinds not the gift from my eyes. Tomorrow morning, or tonight I will commandeer my schedule lest it commandeer my life. Adieu!